Ever since I was a young lad, I knew that I was different. I knew early on that I’d be a winner, and didn’t question it much. Funny enough, I also knew that I’d be a loser…
Trying and failing is part of the process. It’s the journey that makes life meaningful.
“Do or do not, there is no try” rings through my ears from time to time and I often wonder if the green man was right. What Yoda was getting at was a change in mindset: either put your heart and soul into what you are doing, or do not do it at all. The word “try” is the very word that stops us from succeeding.
As I reflect on the many ups and downs I’ve had in my career, I can see various themes that have helped me along the way. Themes like working hard, showing up on time (or just showing up at all), and caring for the task immediately in front of you seemed to have worked well for me. However, there are a few critical components that most people take for granted, which I believe have “Quantum Leap(ed)” my progress. It is these components that I’d like to share with you today.
Imagine for a moment you are the executive of a Fortune 500 company. You have spend the last 30 years of your life climbing the corporate ladder, spending countless evenings and weekends working. You have missed countless invitations to birthdays and celebrations as well as holidays like Christmas and Easter with your family. You work 80 hours a week and are on-call in case work needs to get done. You are content with the life you have lived, but you now wonder if it was all worth it.
Unfortunately, according to the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, chances are it wasn’t worth it. On your deathbed, you will most likely regret living according to someone else’s expectations, working too hard, not expressing your feelings, not staying in touch with friends, and not letting yourself be happier.
It is here then we face a conundrum…
What if you want to be successful, but don’t want to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve it?
It is often the case that we are satisfied with making the appropriate sacrifices at the alter of work. We take it as “par for the course” and don’t question if there’s another way.
Well, I’m here to tell you that there is a different way to success:
Success is whatever you define it to be.
What if I told you there’s another way to achieve success beyond your wildest imagination? What if I told you that you don’t have to work the 80 hours a week, miss birthdays, and stress about on-call?
Frame, for the purpose of this article, can be define as the principles of how you live your life:
You set the standard, and expect nothing less of others around you.
Let’s say that I want to avoid the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. To do so, the first thing I must do is not live my life the way others expect me to live it. For myself that means that I put my beliefs and values first in all areas of my life. If something outside of me doesn’t align with them, I stay away or outright reject it. I don’t work 80 hour weeks or miss birthdays or holidays with loved ones.
One personal belief I hold, and uphold for myself, is that I want any room that I walk into to be enhanced by the very presence of me being there. Yes, this sounds pretentious, and it may be. However, I hold this belief because the change I want to see in the world starts first with me (cue Man in the Mirror). If I want the world to be a more kind place, I must therefore be more kind. If I want more people to be a certain way, I must therefore be that certain way. Not too groundbreaking I hope.
Now that we have started to establish our frame, we can then start taking action on redefining items to fit into it. How do we redefine success according to our frame? Well, we can do so through a variety of mechanisms such as positive and negative reinforcement, allowing and disallowing actions to take place, and by making a habit of the changes we want to see in the world.
A practical example is the friends we keep. I keep people accountable for their actions. I do not associate with people who lie, cheat, or steal, neither do I associate with people who don’t care for the wellbeing of others. However, I do encourage those around me to “take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!” (a reference for my generation).
Success to me is to listen to God and to follow Him wherever He is calling me to be.
To be successful, therefore, means to adhere to this definition and to avoid things that get in the way.
I have now defined frame and success, but what does this have to do with climbing the corporate ladder? Truth be told, not much. However, I want to finish my thought on another way to success.
A number of months ago I states that I no longer wanted to climb the corporate ladder. I was content where I was at and didn’t see the need to fight for more. However, funny enough, it was this very attitude that excelled me to the stratosphere.
By not caring for the opportunities around me and instead focusing on my redefined definition of success, I found myself with more opportunities than I can count. It was like God gave me a jetpack. I touch on this in my blog post titled “Quantum Leap” where sometimes trying too hard is the problem.
I’m not too sure what God is up to, but I know that he doesn’t call the equipped, but instead equips the called. Those who listen to Him and fully submit their life to Him will do more than we can imagine.
Once I understood that the God of the universe lives inside of me, the impossible becomes possible.
However, God does not live inside of you by default. You must first invite him in. That is how much God cares for us that He does not force Himself on us. He gave us freewill to either accept or reject Him.
So, are you willing to invite Him into your life?
I did, and I hope that the results of doing so speaks for itself.