“Where did all the good men go?”
This is a line we all hear at some point in our lives.
What’s funny is that they’ve never left – they are just no longer rewarded for being such.
There are millions of ‘good men’ who are stable, reliable, hard workers who sacrifice on the daily.
The question is not where they’ve all went, the question is why they are no longer seen in our society.
I start this post with a harsh observation, but, there’s something more to this than meets the eye.
Now don’t get me wrong, society will always need hard-working men as they are the ones who make society run (think plumbers, electricians, construction workers, etc.). However, why is it that they are not celebrated or recognized for the immense value they bring to society (i.e., making sure the water runs, electricity flows, and the roads are plowed)?
It’s because they are expected to do this – they have a burden of performance.
In bygones past, there was an unwritten rule or social contract in which men would go out into the world and not only work hard but sacrifice their lives for the greater good, and in doing so, be rewarded with wealth, status, and the affection of a ‘good woman.’ This is still at play today, but it is not as widespread as it used to be.
What happens when the millions of ‘good men’ who sacrifice their lives are no longer rewarded for their sacrifice? Well, you get what we have today:
Men start to realize that the juice is no longer worth the squeeze.
Why work hard when there’s little reward for doing so? Why work hard when we can all binge-watch TV, scroll on social media, embrace the arms of porn, and eat junk food? Not only this but why work hard when doing so means you pay more in taxes? It seems that the only immediate reward for hard work is the satisfaction of a job well done.
It’s no wonder the men of today seem to lack ambition.
Although I’m talking about men here, women are not off the hook in this matter. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that women have contributed to this and even encourage this behavior. Men today are encouraged to submit to their woman – “happy wife, happy life” right? Even though it is usually said tongue and cheek, there’s always some truth in a joke.
These are just some of the observations I’ve had over the past few years. However, I don’t think they provide any value on their own. So, I want to be very practical here and offer some guidance and things for the ‘good men’ among us to ponder as we strive up and to the right.
Today I want to talk to the Christian man – the man who is criticized for every decision he makes.
As a Christian man myself, I have always found it challenging to trod a path forward in life. There are so many directions I could take and so many pits I could fall into. However, there is one saving grace that I have that a non-Christian doesn’t: the holy spirit.
I believe that is the holy spirit that aids my path forward – and it does. I will always stumble and fall, but as long as I get up and continue forward trusting in my savior Jesus Christ, it’s been my experience that things seem to work out. So, what does this have to do with today’s topic? Well, it is through these ups and downs that you experience truth.
Today I want to share a few truths that will help Christian men.
Having a strong foundation in Christ is the first truth, and loving others is the second:
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
~ Matthew 22:34-39 NIV
This should not be a surprise to any Christian, but again, I always want to be practical. So how are we to live these truths out in our day-to-day lives?
When talking to younger men about the struggles they face, I always tell them the following:
Pursue the mission God has for you, and everything else will fall into place.
In order to pursue the mission God has for you, you have to do the following:
It sounds easy, but in each item, you will find many more items to work through such as how to pray and listen, how to read scripture, and how to get out of your comfort zone to serve in ministry.
Before taking action, make sure to test what you think God is revealing to you.
The experience will be different for each man, but this is the first step.
It is important to understand that as a Christians, we do not belong to this world. Therefore, we should not look to rewards here but instead, look to rewards in heaven:
19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust[a] destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.“
~ Matthew 6:19-21 ESV
Knowing this, then should we even bother ourselves with seeking earthly rewards? I mean, it is nice to receive them, and by no means should we reject them when they come to us.
I take the approach laid out by Paul in Colossians 3:
Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25 Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.
~ Colossians 3:22-25 NIV
If we do work as for the Lord, not out of obligation, but out of the love He has for us, then we are doing things right. If our heart is truly set on this, it will not matter what work we do nor how we are rewarded on earth for it.
To put this into practice, we have to examine our intentions with the work that we do:
This will start us off on the right path. Our focus should not be on earthly rewards, but heavenly ones.
Great. So you know and understand the first two points. However, what do we do when life gets tough? What happens when you or someone you know losses a job, gets cancer or passes away?
First, you have to give yourself permission to grieve and mourn for the loss or disappointment. A good example of this is what happened to all of us during the pandemic.
We all lost something or someone, whether it be a job, a dream, a scholarship, a trip, or a loved one.
I first realized this when I discovered I was lonely. I questioned why I felt like life was slipping by. After some reflection, I realized that it was because the way I interacted with the world changed.
Before the pandemic, I had planned a trip to Japan, visualized my career as a cyber professional working in client offices around the country, and going out with friends and family most days of the week.
I realized that I had to mourn the loss of what I expected my future to be.
However, just as there was a loss, there was opportunity. I touched on this in my blog post Opportunity in Uncertainty in that there is always a silver lining in hardship.
Paul writing to the Corinthians states it best:
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
It is in our weakness that we can no longer rely on ourselves. We have no other choice but to rely on God. Another good verse that should be mentioned here:
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
~ Philippians 4:10-13
Paul here is writing to the Philippians from his prison cell encouraging them to in their faith. We should all strive to be like Paul in this situation: to be content whatever the circumstances.
So, this begs the question: how do we content in every situation?
We must focus on what Christ has done for us, and continues to do for us.
So, where have all the ‘good men’ gone?
We are focused on heaven and serving in whatever way our Lord calls us to do.
It doesn’t matter if we are seen or rewarded on earth. Yes, it is nice to have these things, but ultimately, a Christian man should not be concerned with them. The funny thing about all of this is that once this occurs, God can then use you to glorify Him to His people – and sometimes this comes as being seen and rewarded on earth. I will end with this:
Men: do not be concerned about your life. Instead, become what God has made you to be.
As they say, if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
Take care,